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Fuck the Smiling Dog Saloon-- x-posted - Fort Myers is the place to be [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Fort Myers- the place to be

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Fuck the Smiling Dog Saloon-- x-posted [Apr. 8th, 2007|08:34 pm]
Fort Myers- the place to be
The Smiling Dog Saloon: I was once banned from this place and made the mistake of apologizing to get let back in. Yeah, I know. I can even make subcategories for this one:

a) John can suck a dick: First of all, if you were to look up 'Sniveling' in the dictionary, this fat fuck's picture would be posted up right next to the motherfucker. His greasy little chin seems to be directly attatched to the balls of the equally disgusting owner, Mike, because he's clutching onto the ridiculous pipe dream that he's going to own the bar someday. This also turns out to be a magnificent excuse whenever he has to say something to someone that he know's they're not going to like. He'll lumber over, drop the bad news, and then sorrowfully explain that it's not his decision, it's over his head, and you'll have to take it up with Mike. Then he lumbers away hastily and disappears (Probably in search of his spine).
John normally only has bad news for males, though, because when he's not being entirely useless in that category, he's trying to get underage girls drunk (going so far as to let them in the bar when it's supposed to be closed to the public, probabl;y to avoid cockblocking competition) so he can feel them up! Classy.
He's also got another magnificent trick up his sleeve. When he doesn't like a particular person or group of people, instead of giving the real reason, he constantly complains they don't tip. {I fixed that shit. I stopped tipping the bastard and made sure that the other bartenders put my tips DIRECTLY into their pockets} The last punk show we had went off without a hitch and everything worked out well, but why isn't Liberty! allowed back? Oh yeah, the place smelled bad and they had too much feedback between songs.

b) Mike can suck a dick (I know he already does, but c'mon, it's just a figure of speech that translates to "I hate him":
Fuck Mike. First of all, he makes gay men look bad. Hey, you know that stereotype of the gay man who tries to get underage boys drunk so he can have sex with them? That's Mike! He's even hit on the bouncer's 14-year old brother and offered him drinks! He has sex with his illegal immigrant underage workers who work at his restaurants behind the bar. He gets sexual favors from underage boys by allowing them to drink in his bar.
He also fucks over the homeless. There was a guy, Jimmy, who worked 24+ hours for Mike and John and was promised a wage and a bar tab. This was back in September or October. To this day, the poor guy has only seen a bar tab. Mike tries to justify this by saying he let Jimmy sleep in his truck when it was raining. Fuck you, Mike. Go molest some more children. If you tried to touch my little brother, I'd probably kill you.
Speaking of killing people, word around the campfire is that you can't talk shit about Mike because his family is all Mafioso and they'll come to your house and go all Christopher Walken on you. News flash: Mike is gay. He used to be the manager of TBL, for God's sake. Italians, being strict Catholics, hate the gays. His family has probably disowned him.
So Mikes a cheap bastard in more ways than one. What? you'd like another example? Why doesn't the lazy fucker fix the lock on the bathroom door? Nope, he'd rather put TV's up in front of the bar because it'll bring in more business. I'm just waiting for one of the group of roving idiot dudebros who populate the bar on Thursdays (beerpong night) to grope a girl he walks in on and for Mike to get sued over it.
Mike should also start paying his employees a decent wage. Half of them aren't even listed with the IRS because Mike doesn't want to include them because he'll lose money. And that's half of the LEGAL ones.

I guess this is a moot point anyhow, seeing as how high school kids have big mouths, and it's inevitable that the police will eventually hear about it and shut the bar down. So make sure you get your underage drinking in today!!!

* by the way, I'd like to make a note of two things (1) I love Claire. She's sweet as hell and a wonderful bartender. This is in no way an attack against her. (2) I have nothing against illegal immigrants. Hell, if they work harder than I do, they SHOULD get the fucking job. Hell, the main reason they're here is because we fucked their countries in the first place. I also like the people that work at the Grill personally. I just hate how Mike exploits them just to make a quick buck.

I think I'm going to try and get banned again the next time I go.